So our wedding invites went out over a week ago now and out of 150 people around 8 have RSVP’d - as a bride this may be the number one way to piss me off less than 2 months until our wedding 🤦🏼♀️
1 29 minutes ago
I unlocked the door and took a look... I went where I didn’t want to go due to fear.
I stepped in and whoosh....I was back in my past.😳 My emotional armour “metaphorically speaking” was a defence wall. I erected this as a barrier between myself, situations and other people to protect myself from further hurt and to keeping painful experiences at a minimum.
Due to my past emotional wounds I was very choosy with whom I spent time with and whom I let pass through my wall.
I had to know someone for a while before I would even contemplate letting down my walls.
And even then I wouldn’t get too involved, still keeping people at arms length.
I did this all unknowingly to protect myself “or so I thought” and ultimately I was sabotaging myself from having a deep and meaningful connection with others and more importantly with myself!
I shut myself off from opportunities on a subconscious level.
I saw life through my altered perception adopting a misrepresentation outlook on life and the world.
My past emotional pains and hurts influenced my thinking, I had self-limiting beliefs and disempowering false beliefs due to the story I was telling myself.
I had a saying that I caught myself saying regularly “DTA” Don’t Trust Anyone! Very sad but true!
I lacked in confidence, I didn’t value my own self worth, I most definitely had trust issues and without a doubt it effected how I interacted with other people.
My emotional wounds caused damage deep within me that had lasting repercussions that were not easily dispelled or forgotten.
I found it difficult to move past them as they had impacted me greatly!
The truth was I was unknowingly motivated by fear; I used avoidance to solve my problems hoping they would go away.
Which I later became conscious of and realised was only keeping me in fear.
I often felt like I wasn’t able to move forward, feeling a heaviness, I felt like “damaged goods”, stuck, lost, alone, sad, distant and disconnected. I remember thinking how did I get to this place again?
I withdrew, went within myself shutting the world out feeling deeply unfulfilled. (See more in comments 👇🏻)
Det här med att tillåta sig att inte göra något speciellt! Att bara va hemma o känna lugn i det. Landa i att det är ok. Mer än ok. Tom skönt för både en själv o sina barn! Livet är rätt mycket ändå ju. Vi behöver liksom inte pressa in o maxa allt hela tiden! För det blir ju helt jävla galet tillslut! För mig, för oss o för våra barn!
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